Christmas day

We all went to my sister Megan's house for Christmas dinner, and boy did we have a blast! It's been a long time since I've laughed that much, and I was on a roll. I got a lot of milage out of my sister's 120 degree tree! Since it was an artificial one, she only built one side, and fastened the tree to the walls with string and thumbtacks. This saved her lots of room, which actually, was a stroke of genius, but I couldn't let my sister know that.... So I joked about how many more presents there seemed to be this year, while actually being 2/3rds less, and how she was saving on electricity, only using 1/3rd of the lights, etc.


I also called it her 4th Dimension tree, saying that the rest of it was in a quasi-dimensional state between our reality, and being shared with two other Megans in different planes of existance. Yeah, not many other people got that one, but my brother did! Just look at that shirt! It's got science geek written all over it! He's a typical Carter, rocks at the green pie pieces, but sucks at the orange.

Dad excitedly unwrapped his present, and couldn't WAIT to give it a try!

The funniest part of the day was when my sister, Kerry, relayed a story that our brother Shane told her about his son, David. Shane asked David what he wanted for Christmas, and David quickly replied, "A penguin." Shane asked if he was sure he wanted a penguin, that maybe he would like a truck or some other toy better. David thought for a moment, but decided to stick with the penguin. So Shane tried to dissuade David from his choice, and went into an elaborate story about how young David would have to travel many, many thousands of miles, first by bus, then by train, through harrowing weather, then by boat, across the mighty ocean, then by dogsled, mushing across the frozen ice, in search of his penguin, since they only live in the antarctic. Shane went on to say that such a trip would take many years, and that by the time David returned, he would be a grown man! Shane doubted that he would even recognize his own son, after such a long journey. Without a hitch, David replied, "Of course you would, dad. I would be the guy with the penguin."

Oh, man, does that make me laugh! It also reminds me of another David story. Not too long ago, David was really into trucks. He liked any kind of large machinery, and he knew all the construction vehicles, back-hoes, loaders, etc. One day, in the summer, Shane and Kristen were driving through town with David in the back seat. They came up on a construction site, where one of the foreman was lamenting about one of the trucks being late. He must have been on the handheld radio or something, but he said, quite loudly, "Where's the fucking truck?" David shot up excitedly, asking, "Dad, what is a fucking truck? I do not know what a fucking truck is. I know what a tow truck is, but not a fucking truck. Where is the fucking truck? I do not see it. I see a dump truck, but I do not know what a fucking truck is." Shane and Kristen were laughing too hard to speak.

Any story about the funny things kids say wouldn't be complete without my favorite Autumn story. This happened probably 15 years ago, since Autumn is going to be 19 soon. The song "No more tears" by Ozzy Osbourne was being played heavily on the airwaves. One night, we had a family poker party at my parents' house, and my sister came with Autumn. Some of us were drinking heavily, and eventually I ran out of beer. As I finished the last can of Budweiser, I sniffled, and sang "No more beers, beers, beers. No more beers, beers, beers" to the Ozzy tune. We all laughed, and soon the poker game wrapped up and everyone went home. The next day, mom and dad were watching Autumn. When I came downstairs (I still lived there at the time) Autumn was at the kitchen table coloring, and drinking out of her sippy-cup. As she swallowed the last bit of liquid, she slammed the cup down, and broke into song, "No more choca-milk, milk, milk. No more choca-milk, milk, milk"